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Was my Japanese friend wrong about his Filipino friends? – He was a Japanese anthropologist and professor in a Catholic university in Japan who lived in the Philippines on and off for many years. His field work required him (let’s just call him“Kikosan”) to live with the indigenous peoples in Mindoro and the Cordilleras. Indeed, Kikosan was so devoted to his work that he and his Japanese wife, also an anthropologist, met and married while they were living and working with the natives in Banawe, Ifugao. That’s how we met and got to know each other quite well, Baguio, my other hometown, being the logical rest and recreation area north of Manila.
Kikosan got to become as native as the people he was studying and living with. He spoke fluent Tagalog. His English had a funny California twang, having taken some graduate courses in the U.S.A. There was therefore no reason to believe that this Japanese scholar would have any problem communicating with people in the Philippines. We got along quite well. Indeed you might say that through the years we became rather close family friends. Many people in fact thought we were brothers, Kikosan looking very much like our eldest brother, Robert.
Regrettably, however, many close friends and acquaintances seem to come and go like the seasons. Kikosan and I somehow failed to keep in touch through the years. We had no disagreements much less any unpleasant incidents of any kind to speak of. We just simply must have had some kind of falling out as we sometimes do with so many other friends.
*Incidentally, that's not Kikosan in the first photo shown above. That's our Coya Robert and one set of his grandchildren.
*The other foto should be captioned: "Some of my regular buddies...in spirits. In vino, equalitas. Loosely, wine is a great social leveler."
After all, this was an anthropologist talking. And what is anthropology if not (/ˌænθɹəˈpɒlədʒi/, from the Greek ἄνθρωπος,anthrōpos, "human", and -λογία, -logia, "discourse") the study ofhuman beings, everywhere and throughout time. Its basic questions concern, "What defines homo sapiens?" "What are our physical traits?" "How do we behave?" "Why are there variations and differences among different groups of humans?" "How has the evolutionary past of Homo sapiens influenced its social organization and culture?"
Kikosan was not bitter. He was merely stating one man’s little opinion, one man’s point of view, one man’s little experience.
Kikosan felt that many Filipino acquaintances very often seemed to be more interested in what they could get out of him, some economic benefit, some material gain or advantage, instead of friendship for friendship’s sake, whatever that’s supposed to mean. He felt somehow that we have yet to develop in that respect, to regard friendship not so much as a business venture as much as a social, emotional, if you will, bonding; hence, outside the commerce of man. To be very brutal about it, do we always have to ask “ano ba ang pakinabang ko, ano ba ang mapapala ko sa samahang ito?”
It also happens to be a universal question: “what’s in it for me?” Except Kikosan had in mind pure, unadulterated friendship which involves mutual esteem, trust, concern, and affection that transcends material considerations. The Greeks as usual had a term for it. They called it “agape.”
Is the Filipino incapable of or not ready for true friendship? Are we so economically disadvantaged, so strapped for cash that we must jump at every opportunity to take advantage of every new acquaintance and milk it for whatever it’s worth? Is that why we fall over each other when we see a foreigner? Why do we think U.S. visa when we talk to an American? Is this what they mean by the politics of patronage? Does it have anything to do with colonial mentality, with our fascination for anything foreign or imported? Is this why they say that “only equals can be friends.”
I sincerely hope you are wrong, Kikosan, whereever you are. Bro. James D. Lansang
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butchcelestial wrote on Jul 6, '09
Our leaders 'robbed' us of our heritage, our values and our pride. We need to grow new leaders able to restore us back to where we should be. We should go back and study the holy book from where we get the best wisdom in the world. In these days I feel very much like Job: My spirit is broken, my days are cut short, the grave awaits me. . . . My days have passed, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart. (Job 17:1, 11) But every time I open the holy book and read the lines that inspire me I again remember Job: Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; . . . Indeed, this will turn out for my deliverance. (Job 13:15, 16) It was a sad piece you wrote, James but just like 'the stone the builders rejected', I consider it the capstone, an eye opener and inspiration to look for hope where it really is: In the Wisdom of God. |
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It is a pity that Kikosan failed to see the point that while it is true there are some who only ask what their friends can do for them, there are many as well who ask what they can do for their friends. We have met a good number of the latter. Yes, Pinoys who are so friendly they can give generously, in terms of time, treasure and talent for others irrespective of color or creed but more for their Kabalens.You can't blame them if they are more discriminatory in that regard. It is in the genes, in the blood. You feel their heartfelt sincerity that the spontaneous response of any recipient is to give even more or at least aim for a quid pro quo.
We know people who are always paranoid and think that others are only there to take advantage of acquaintances. They are obsessed on always being on their guard from such unwelcome intruders. And then they miss the magical joy of having friends. As expected, they end up having few pals if there are any. Kikosan, maybe you missed the point. Or you saw the point alright but you missed the whole big white background in the process. Tsk, tsk. |
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elmersarmiento wrote on Jul 7, '09
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship. It is the spirited inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
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Friendship is friendship is friendship and, thus, needs no qualifier.
If friendship is not authentic, then it is not friendship. Degrees or levels of/in friendship, yes, there are. Kuya, all human beings are capable of friendship. Filipinos being human beings too, are, therefore, capable of friendship. It was/is most unfortunate that your friend Kikosan had Filipino acquaintances who took advantage of their "friendship" with him. Am surprised that, having been/being an anthropologist, Kikosan arrived at a generalization based on a handful of Pinoys who, apparently, took advantage of him. Kung gayun, puede na rin bang sabihin ni Juan na, dahil sa karanasan niya, ni Juan, na may nakilala siyang ilang mapagsamantalang mga exseminarians, ang lahat ng mga exseminarians ay mapagsamantala? Unfair naman ata kung maggegeneralize ng ganyan si Juan, di ba? Unfair at di tama yan, di ba? Bakit? Dahil, alam natin na marami naman sa mga exseminarians, tulad mo Kuya, ay di mapagsamantala at may kakayanang maging lubos ang pagkakaibigan kahit sa mga "maliliit" na drinking buddies mo/natin na itinuturing mong/nating mga kindred spirits,di ba? Tama ka na naman, Kuya (as usual): In vino, equalitas. Talagang nakakatwa ang iyong mga panulat, Kuya. At di lang nakakatwa, nakaka-inspire at nakaka-touch pa. Mabuhay ka, Kuya. Maraming salamat sa walang sawang pagsi-share mo ng mga gintong butil mula sa iyong puso't isipan, mula sa iyong katauhan, Kuya James. |
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Salamat, Kuya KAKA, for taking the time and effort to express what else needed to be said abt the matter. I believe this can be the beginning of a little forum for little thoughts to share among friends and a way of keeping in touch or just to remind each other that we are thinking of them. tnx agn
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Kuya,
Good to see your family. The three siblings look deep and vibrant. They must be the apples of your eyes. No doubt you are doing a good job with Kumander. The relaxing party with the neighbors is a source of envy as well. With the kids, I'm sure they contribute to a healthy blood pressure and a wholesome barangay life. I can't wait to meet my friends in Barrio Nalbo, Laoag City. Regards. |
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Kuya, why don't we look at it from the other point of view...i.e. that being an "anthropologist" gave him an air of "superiority" over his OBJECTS of study.
I even doubt the sincerity of "living" like his CONSTITUENTS. Who knows the "NATIVES" he encountered were JUST REACTING to this kind of attitude and outlook. I myself (am not an anthropologist) had been with real people/filipinos up there in the farthest and very remote parts of Abra,Kalinga-Apayao and I found them to be very human, simple and lovable people. They are very loving people if you truly love them as Apo Dyios taught us to love. |
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Hi, I can't help but put in my two cents' worth. I think Kikosan's 'disadvantage' [thus, his negative experience with his Filipino friends] is that he's Japanese [it's also the same if he were American or Spanish, Chinese etc]. All of us, even them, have all formed prejudices, even judgments of each other, brought about by our personal experiences and the environment, culture, habits, that we grew up in. And so Kikosan would feel taken advantage of. I guess some Filipinos have formed labels of Japanese nationals as 'rich' materially and so would try to see what they could get from him. The challenge of relationships is that it always come in layers, some more complicated than others. It's difficult enough to deal with it among people of the same race, what more with another person from a completely different culture.
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tnx, ate bembem, for your 2 cents. you sound like a deep thinker and philosopher. this blogsite sure could use your unique perspective. pls try reviewing some of my earlier blogs and tell us what you think.
btw, did you ever wonder why we give our "two cents worth" when pipol only ask for "a penny for your thoughts?" that's 1 cent extra. |
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jeemsdee said
 btw, did you ever wonder why we give our "two cents worth" when pipol only ask for "a penny for your thoughts?" that's 1 cent extra. 
I think it's because people by nature are really generous :D I will definitely peruse your pages manong jey.. salamat po.
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Cecil's observation is interesting. The people he mentioned who live in remote areas, almost untouched by the vanity of modern living truly reflect pristine Filipino innocence that is impossible to overlook, dislike and not appreciate. Their elders who do not have the sheepskin to prove any high education are respected nevertheless for their wisdom and react wisely in matters concerning life's basics and values such as love, respect, friendship and all the good stuff. It is not uncommon to hear foreigners extolling such fine traits and Filipinos abroad are widely known for them especially in the workplace. How can anybody not like them fun and chocolate meat (dinuguan) loving Pinoys.
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Kuya ROME, was it Pollyanna's grandma who said: "if you look for the good in people, expecting to find it, you will surely do. And the opposite is just as true, if you look for the bad in people, expecting to find it ..."
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That's the proverbial hammer hitting the nail smack on the head Kuya James. I could not have put it better myself. Indeed we see what we are looking for. Ever experienced waiting for someone, that because of your eager anticipation, lots of people passing by look very much like the one you are waiting for?
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