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Why am I always chasing rainbows – what’s on the other side? -Anyone who has ever met or known me I’m sure will tend to agree that I am a person who should never be taken too seriously. More often than not, people don’t or they won’t. Many of my friends and acquaintances complain that very often they cannot tell if I’m serious or joking. Many years ago I lost a valued client/friend who evidently got fed up with my impertinent if impulsive remarks. We both happened to get actively involved in some community development projects which required quite a bit of committee meetings, planning and/or discussion groups. For one reason or another I would often find these meetings or discussions as rather boring, funny, silly, hypocritical if not downright inane, or worse – like boobs without nipples – pointless. And my remarks would invariably and inevitably follow suit. My client evidently became so embarrassed and annoyed at having what she thought was an imbecile or a clown for a lawyer, she decided to fire me outright and would have nothing further to do with me.
Now of course that I am older, and hopefully a bit the wiser, and retired, I have realized too late that particularly in my profession of choice, this was a great character flaw. Since I was engaged in the business of legal counseling, it became rather apparent that I did not possess enough gravamen, profundity, strength of character, a distinguished personality nor enough self-confidence to claim the right to be listened to. I believe some psychologists would diagnose this as “low self-esteem.” Indeed, a lady-lawyer friend dismissed and ignored a letter I had written to her as being rather “pedestrian.”
I tried very early on to demand comparatively higher professional fees in the hope of impressing the client about my self-worth and the merit of my legal services. One rich old client complained, “Attorney, totoy na totoy ka pa, ang taas mong nang sumingil. What will you do with all that money?” Immediately, I relented and said, “Sige, bahala na po kayo. Kahit magkano na lang.”
It’s easy to see how my career as a lawyer could not possibly have amounted to anything remarkable. The best that can be said is that at least I somehow managed to stay on for a good 45 years. That’s quite amazing in itself considering that another character flaw I am most guilty of is lack of perseverance. I cannot count nor remember anymore how many activities, enterprises, interests, and avocations I have tried to pursue through the years only to eventually lose interest somewhere along the way. I have invested quite a bit of time, money, effort and emotions on friends, organizations, church or community projects, new ideas, business ventures, golf, rose gardening, breeding dogs, religious studies, etc., only to wake up one morning wishing nothing else but to stay in bed.
Is it the fact that I’m lazy? Quite the contrary. I’m quite a busybody, always checking and trying out new ideas, goals, projects, proposals or hanging out with new friends and acquaintances. When sufficiently motivated, I think nothing of spending countless hours drafting a legal brief or grooving a new golf swing at the driving range, or wading through flooded streets for a drinking session with some odd-ball buddies.
On hindsight, I now believe that I have been suffering from another major character flaw. I am too sincere for my own good. I have not learned the sophisticated, the educated art of restraint, of hiding or disguising or, heaven forbid, misrepresenting one’s true feelings, intentions and opinions. Particularly in an adversarial situation such as the legal profession, one is almost expected to bluff, huff and puff to promote or protect some selfish interest. It comes with the territory. Hence, the worn-out remark “Lawyers are liars.”
So, I’m a poor negotiator. I would make a poor poker player. In the marketplace, I usually wind up paying more for a “tumpok” of tomatoes or a kilo of galonggong than most housewives are willing to pay. I give to every beggar or street urchin I meet. I’m a sucker for any GRO’s sob story. I haven’t learned the game of life called “pakipot” or the child’s play called “pretend.” Sometimes I’m too sincere for my own good. Sincerity doesn’t win races. “Nice guys finish last.”
Worst of all, I’m a dreamer. I like to think most people are good and kind and sincere. And most of the time it’s true. It’s called the “Pollyanna syndrome.”
I think most people mean well but they are weak. They have all kinds of money, family, personal problems. They cannot resist some temptations. They will not always wind up doing the right thing. So, I have a great inclination to be rather sympathetic to con artists, great pretenders and hard-sell vendors. Also, I tend to root for the underdog and place my bet on the “dejado.” I have yet to brag about any winnings from any game of chance.
I am a sucker for lost causes. I can hardly count the number of so-called community development projects I have joined and spent invested quite a bit of time and talent on, only to lose steam in the end.
Does it mean I’m a loser, a Don Quixote, a total failure?
I’m not rightly sure anymore. I have had my share of disillusionments, that’s for sure. I believe it’s more a case of eventually realizing the futility of it all. The vanity of it all. Very often I have realized it was more a case of promoting one person’s megalomanic obsession or promoting less than noble objectives. And so to hide my disappointment at the inanity or irony of it all, I eventually find myself interjecting some humor or a bit of sarcasm into the picture.
Now, I can understand why there is a very popular advice against “taking life too seriously.” Now, I am able to relate to the apparent frustrations and undisguised disappointments of geniuses like Socrates, Hemingway, or Agbayani. There is just too much corruption, abuse, greed, pride – and incompetence - all around. This in turn breeds a lot of evil in this world which a little man like me can do very little to stem the tide.
So, what do I invariably wind up doing. Nothing. Not much, anyway. Hence, the fallacious conclusion – laugh about it. After all, it is said it’s the best medicine. And we know it’s not. Medicine is still the best medicine. If it’s available, or affordable. For us peasants, however, laughter seems to be the next best thing. In case you haven’t noticed it yet, the poor are laughing at most of our antics. Like buying an expensive, gas-guzzling SUV when there’s a jeepney available, or spending so much money for a greasy pizza from a foreign franchise instead of fried galunggong and dinengdeng.
In my later years, I found myself declining to handle a case or to get into some promising venture simply on the prospect that it would help take care of the grocery bills. I must have been waiting for something more noble, more self-fulfilling.
This partly explains why I seem to keep on chasing after some elusive dream whose shape or form I have yet to discover. It must be somewhere out there. Just over those hills. At the end of some rainbow. I want to know what’s on the other side.
Maybe some day somebody can tell me. In the meantime, I'm starting to look undernourished and my clothes ill-fitting. James L.
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In the postcripts section of this site, a poem by Deanna Beiser was posted:
There may be days when you get up in the morning, and things aren't the way you hoped they would be. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down, but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgements and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of. There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them. Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are, and you will also see yourself developing into the person you have always wanted to be. click to read more: http://xvdph.multiply.com/reviews (KUYA JAMES, YOU CAN ALSO SING FRANK SINATRA' POPULAR SONG) |
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Natutuwa ako at nakilala ko ang isang tulad mo, Kuya Tiago.
Tutugon ako ng mas mahaba sa takdang panahon. Salamat Kuya. Isa kang nagpapaka-totoo, walang kaplastikang tao. Y are u always chasing rainbows? Coz u are fond of chasing, being a chaser, and yes, u are always chasing rainbows coz they are there, even if, often times, they do not appear. Like Paga's castles. Fabs climbed them coz they were there and Paga was/is a climber. Why are you and kindred souls like you reaching out to heaven? Coz "Man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what is heaven for!" What's on the other side? U have had glimpses and hints, am sure, having been a chaser for the last seven decades or so. |
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QUICK REACTION AFTER A SCAN OF THE 1ST PARAGRAPH. ONLY (MY EYES GRAVITATE TOWARDS FAMILIAR WORDS AND "THINGS"):
THERE ARE NO BOOBS W/O NIPPLES, MR. JAMES DA VINCE! THOSE THAT ARE SMOOTH TO YOUR TOUCH HAVE "INVERTED" NIPPLES; JUST LIKE YOU HAVE AN INVERTED THINGY!!! 'NUFF SAID, 'NUFF READ! ON TO THE NEXT STUPIDITY.... |
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bobilapurugganan wrote on Oct 7, '08
i never can imagine a guy as smart as you to be in some kind of a predicament..you should be in better company, someone who enjoys those great words and jokes...you are one hell of a guy!!!
undernourished is in....and ill-fitting clothes are awesome..very nerdy...:) |
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viagba said
 QUICK REACTION AFTER A SCAN OF THE 1ST PARAGRAPH. ONLY (MY EYES GRAVITATE TOWARDS FAMILIAR WORDS AND "THINGS"):THERE ARE NO BOOBS W/O NIPPLES, MR. JAMES DA VINCE! THOSE THAT ARE SMOOTH TO YOUR TOUCH HAVE "INVERTED" NIPPLES; JUST LIKE YOU HAVE AN INVERTED THINGY!!! 'NUFF SAID, 'NUFF READ! ON TO THE NEXT STUPIDITY.... 
Kinam, AGBA, as you said read on. Why get transfixed or sidetracked by the nipples, or the lack or flaw thereof? Did you even notice a familiar name included among the genius list? No wonder preaching is next to useless. Pipol will see only what they want to see, and hear only what they want to hear.
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bobilapurugganan said
i never can imagine a guy as smart as you to be in some kind of a predicament..you should be in better company, someone who enjoys those great words and jokes...you are one hell of a guy!!!undernourished is in....and ill-fitting clothes are awesome..very nerdy...:)
At long last, an appreciative and discerning reader! Tnx, vki, it seems I found an ally in you. Alas, a prophet hath no honor in his own country, nor among his friends, relatives. Jn. 4:44; Mk. 6:4. As you may have discerned, I was fishing all along for some sympathy for a rather dreary life, and all I got from friends was merciless opprobrium. "Who can I turn to, when nobody needs me..."
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Kuya J, you write so well, you express yourself so well, we're reduced to writing a line or two. Nagmumukha kaming mga kakarampot na tuldok na lulutang-lutang sa ulap ng karangyaang pagmumuni.
Sabi nga ng kuwento, "Tutuo? Mukha akong piloto?" "Oo naman, plain-looking ka kasi". Ako po'y mukhang piloto lamang. May isa pang kuwento diyan: Bartolome: Pare, alam mo, no.1 na nagugustuhan kong ugali mo ay nagsisimula sa "A". Tukmol: Ganoon ba? Ako ba'y "Approachable"? Bartolome: Hindi. Tukmol: "Affectionate"? Bartolome: Hindi rin. Tukmol: Hindi "Approachable"; hindi rin "Affectionate"? Ano ba yon? Bartolome: Anest ka, pare.. Anest. . . |
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butchcelestial wrote on Oct 8, '08
If you need my sympathy, Kuya James you got it. In fact you can come over to Tacloban for tonight's dinner hosted again by our very own Gen. Abner Cabalquinto, CKMS '70. We promise you the best food this side of the Philippines, entertainment, courtesy of Nestor and my shoulder to lean on. And Resumus, stop talking now. You did not even have the common sense to invite James to our dinner tonight. Whether he comes or not, he gets a shoulder (pork or road, whatever), ok?
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Naisip ko na ngang imbitahin si Kuya J sa Gerry's Grill mamayang gabi kaya lang naalala ko ang kuwento niya tungkol sa isang estrangherong matanda na nakasama niyang bumiyahe mula Maynila papuntang Tacloban.
You are invited, Kuya J. May oras pa namang mag-taxi papuntang Tacloban. Unang subo ko ng blue marlin inihaw ay para sa 'yo. Unang lagok ko ng beer ay para rin sa 'yo. Unang pulutan kong tangigueng kinilaw ay para pa rin sa 'yo. Tirhan mo naman ako, please. Invited din namin ang ibang XVDs. . . kung makararating kayo. . . |
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HAPI BDAY, KUYA ABNER! By the time this greeting reaches you, we will be in TAGAYTAY for Metanoia 3. We will be thinking of and praying for you and all those paisanos from Tacloban City. Your generosity and kindness are now the stuff of legend among XVDs. Now, if only you could find a way to send us "lechon" while we're there, imagine how more fervently we will be praying, realizing the power of prayer. Tnx, Kuya BUTCH, for the eleventh-hour invite. We're salivating.
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As observed by Luke and others, the excitement and enjoyment are in the chase, the anticipation, the hunt, the journey, the uncertainty of victory, ad libitum(?). This maybe a bit inapropos but your blog reminds me of the St. Augustine (Deodatus)-inspired prayer adapted by colegialas of my time: “Keep me chased, O Lord.”
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Kuya EPI, I'm sure you just invented that quotation. Or, you twisted St. Francis' "Lord, make me an instrument..." I know I am great... at being misquoted and misunderstood, especially by my Torminator, AGBA.
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jeemsdee said
I know I am great... at being misquoted and misunderstood, especially by my Torminator, AGBA.
FOR STARTERS: KINIGROm MET!!!
KEEPIAS MY DEEPLY ESTEEMED AND LOVED MOTHER OUT OF YOUR FOUL MOUTH, YOU #@$%$#%$ING EXCUSE OF/FOR A WRITER!!!! AND I - IF IT IS ME YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT (AFTER ALL THERE ARE, TO MY KNOWLEDGE, 5 OTHER XVDS WHO GO BY THAT ILLUSTRIOUS SURNAME) - I, EGO (GET MY DRIFT, SKULLHEAD???), REFUSE TO BE RELEGATED TO YOUR G-RANKING!!! I AM A GOD; I AM GOD!!! LUKAS THINKS SO; AND HE IS ONE HIMSELF. AND SO ARE #$$#$# ING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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tomranada said
As observed by Luke and others, the excitement and enjoyment are in the chase, the anticipation, the hunt, the journey, the uncertainty of victory, ad libitum(?). This maybe a bit inapropos but your blog reminds me of the St. Augustine (Deodatus)-inspired prayer adapted by colegialas of my time: “Keep me chased, O Lord.”
TOMRANADA, you have exceeded yourself. I have never heard that prayer before. It's classic. Sounds almost as good as "The Hound of Heaven."
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If I told you once, I've told you 700 billion times before: VICENTE, control yourself. Down, boy. Or, you'll wake Fr. H from his tomb. What's this about GROs anyway? I don't remember talking abt sex.
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jeemsdee said
If I told you once, I've told you 700 billion times before: VICENTE, control yourself. Down, boy. Or, you'll wake Fr. H from his tomb. What's this about GROs anyway? I don't remember talking abt sex.
FIRST, MY "FATHER, PREFECT, FRIEND" (cf: THE KING'S CLARION '63 - DEDICATION PAGE), HAD BEEN TOSSING AND TURNING EVER SINCE I BADE HIM - AND MY DREAMS OF BEING A SACERDOS IN AETERNUM SECUNDUM ORDINEM MELCHISEDECH - GOODBYE.
SECOND, DO YOU EVER RE-READ WHAT YOU WRITE, NOVATE (AS IN :BRUTE, ET TU)? TO QUOTE: "I AM A SUCKER FOR EVERY GRO'S SOB STORY, HER T.TS, HER KUAN..." ALMOST VERBATIM! DECIDEDLY VERBOTEN IN A PUBLIC bLOGOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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jeemsdee said
At long last, an appreciative and discerning reader! Tnx, vki, it seems I found an ally in you. Alas, a prophet hath no honor in his own country, nor among his friends, relatives. Jn. 4:44; Mk. 6:4. As you may have discerned, I was fishing all along for some sympathy for a rather dreary life, and all I got from friends was merciless opprobrium. "Who can I turn to, when nobody needs me..."
YOU POOR THING!
AND YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS REFERRING TO YOU! IF YOU MUST KNOW, VICKI AND I GO BACK A LONG WAY; AND WE SHARE MORE THAN A NAME. RE-READ!!!!!!!!! |
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OR CUM HERE AND HELP ME PUT UP OUR OWN FRANCHISE OPERATION: GOTO TO GO.
"TAKE OUT," JUST IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW, BAGUIO BOY, IS "TO GO" HERE IN THE LAND OF THE SINKING DOLLAR! JUST THE RIGHT TIME FOR HOT PORRIDGE TO WARM AND FEED STARVING WALL-STREETERS! MENU: * GOTO HELL - spicy lamang-loob * GOTO LIMBO - bland whatever for seasoning to taste * GOTO PURGATORY - fish congee ala NORTH PARK mameng * GOTO HEAVEN - "with chicken wings" ATBP. 'NONG SAY MO? |
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jeemsdee said
I will let you have the last word, Enteng. A word of caution, though, there may be some ladies reading this stuff.
I ALWAYS HAVE THE LAST WORD. WHETHER I SAY IT OR NOT. WITH OR WITHOUT ANYBODY'S LEAVE.
NOW, WHY THE CAVEAT? IT'S YOU DOING MOST OF THE TALKING; I'M JUST QUOTING - VERBATIM OR ELSE WHAT IS "IMPLICITLY" IMPLIED. N'CEST PAS? |
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i find the two of you (Jeemsdee and viagba) unloading either your dry wit or 'sama ng loob' sa mga chickababes. This is autumn - you can start unloading as mentioned in the banner subheadline of the xvdph site; i will reprint here:
For the past few years, it has become my custom in autumn to evaluate what needs to be relinquished in my life. Sometimes possessions weigh me down. At other times it is my character flaws that burden not only me but everyone who lives with me as well. I look into my closet and my heart each autumn and ask, “Is there anything I could surrender that would help me become a freer person?” from: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE BY MACRINA WIEDERKEHR AND JOYCE RUPP |
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butchcelestial wrote on Oct 8, '08
Guys before this thing get 'nicier' let us greet Abner CKMS'70 a HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND MAY HE EXPERIENCE MANY MANY MORE TO COME. We will try to remember you all when we eat our sumptuous meal. And in true 'waray' hospitality 'tagay han bahalina na tuba'. We love you all!
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jeemsdee said
TOMRANADA, you have exceeded yourself. I have never heard that prayer before. It's classic. Sounds almost as good as "The Hound of Heaven."
The original prayer attributed to St. Augustine runs thus: "Keep me chaste, O Lord, but not yet!" Anyway, let a few raindrops cool us off by listening to the video song on my website. And, of course, "A Happy, Grand Birthday to Gen. Abner Cabalquinto!" Regards to all the XVD/PAX confreres in Leyte.
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