A BRIEF LESSON IN WOMEN'S VOCABULARY

Mar 17, '10 5:40 AM for everyone

I have often wondered why many of my ex-seminarian friends seem to have difficulty getting along with, relating to or understanding their wives or women friends in general.  It would seem that having grown up in the seminary without the company of women, these guys have never really gotten around to understanding, much less fathoming, the woman psyche.  This is especially true for those who stayed much longer in the seminary.  For good or ill, I myself left right after high school.

While ex-sems can conveniently cite or quote a few verses from the Bible or mouth a few impressive Latin phrases to drive home a point to try to win an argument, most are dumbfounded when dealing with the “female vocabulary.”  It’s even much worse if these guys stayed on to take up 4 years of philosophy and 4 years of theology.  One classmate went on to finish his doctorate in Theology at some prestigious theological seminary in Rome, no less.

Most ex-sems like to think that they are verbally-gifted.  Having been drilled in Latin, Greek  and/or Teutonic syntax, they know the etymology of most big words and have a great tendency to be fastidious when it involves vocabulary which they believe was invented by Martin Luther.  

Well, mostly for the benefit of such friends, and mostly for their guidance, and personal safety, I have tried to collect and compile a few words or phrases found only in the “Women’s Dictionary.” Exempli gratia:

Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes -  If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. However… five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch that stupid game before helping around the house.

Nothing -  This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine.”

Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh -  Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there and arguing with you over "Nothing."

That's Okay -  This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks -  This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it; just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

Finally, learn to live longer.  As your morning exercise, forget about push-ups.  Instead, practice saying over and over again "YES, DEAR...YES, DEAR" while brushing your teeth. JAMES L.

reply

reply elmersarmiento wrote on Mar 17, '10 To keep relations with the wife brimming with love and joy: whenever you're wrong admit it; whenever you're right shut up.

reply butchcelestial wrote on Mar 17, '10 I showed this to my wife and she said: "Fine!"

reply paga65 wrote on Mar 17, '10 Kuya James this is a very good topic. Congrats for opening it up. However, I deem that the opposite might be true, that exsem husbands are anything but soft-hearted with their wives. In other words para daw tayong bato.

reply cecilpf wrote on Mar 17, '10 Check this out: "Tale of Two Brains" @ youtube

reply jeemsdee wrote on Mar 17, '10 elmersarmiento said whenever you're right shut up.  You may be right at that, Kuya ELMER. That means you'll have to keep quiet all the time.

reply jeemsdee wrote on Mar 17, '10 butchcelestial said I showed this to my wife and she said: "Fine!"  You're a fast learner, Kuya BUTZ.

reply jeemsdee wrote on Mar 17, '10 paga65 said para daw tayong bato.  Tnx, Kuya FABS. However, as you know, I was merely being facetious. Come to think of it, I am hardly ever serious. And at my age, wala ng tumitigas. Ex-sems may appear stoic, ascetic, submissive, particularly those who had to go through the rigors of novitiate. The "damage" is irreparable. "Damaged goods" na sila.

reply tomranada wrote on Mar 17, '10 Kuya, I think it would be futile, if not incendiary, to "quote" the Bible to the opposite side, "What God has put together, let no woman put us under."

reply jeemsdee wrote on Mar 17, '10 tomranada said "What God has put together, let no woman put us under."  As usual, a witty and pithy comment, vintage-Tom Ranada. rgards, Kuya.

reply emanjyap wrote on Mar 17, '10 Simple lang ang pilosophy ko sa buhay may asawa. Pa-under ka lang sa Mrs., wala kang problema. Hindi rin stereophonic ang sounds mo sa bahay at higit sa lahat, mahal ka ng todo ni Mrs. at di ka ipapahiya dahil wala na siyang ipoprove na siya ang nasusunod.

reply jeemsdee wrote on Mar 18, '10 emanjyap said Pa-under ka lang sa Mrs  Kuya EMAN, is that what they teach in Philosophy or Theology?

reply emanjyap wrote on Mar 19, '10 That's a lesson I got from my barber way,way back in my younger days.

reply butchcelestial wrote on Mar 19, '10 I wonder when we will NOT call this 'pa-under' which is colonial (if I may) but instead call this mutual understanding and respect - which we should be doing anyway with our wives.

reply butchcelestial wrote on Mar 19, '10 . . . . . I see . . . . we might lose half the fun . . . . .

Comment deleted at the request of the author.

reply tomranada wrote on Mar 19, '10 butchcelestial said I wonder when we will NOT call this 'pa-under' which is colonial (if I may) but instead call this mutual understanding and respect - which we should be doing anyway with our wives. To be understanding is to stand under. "Under" pa rin. :-)

reply emanjyap wrote on Mar 19, '10 hahahaha! the under thing is really just a joke. marriage is not where one is under or the other is the commander. we usually joke that the Mrs. is the commander. But in reality, marriage is partnership. It's just like a business but in marriage, the husband and the wife are the business partners. But nothing wrong with being under, di ba? Dahil under ka sa Mrs. mo, pag galit na galit na siya at sisigawan ka ng "MAMATAY KA NA SANA NGAYON DIN!", just reply very meekly "mauna ka na, dear, at susunod na lang ako". LOL!

reply cecilpf wrote on Mar 23, '10, edited on Mar 23, '10 Pardon this delayed add-on: I just remembered something from CAMELOT...(w/c is quite relevant). The song "How to handle a woman" "The way to handle a woman is to love her, simply love her, merely love her, love her, love her...just love her." Camelot 1967 - starring Richard Harris & Vanessa Redgrave & Franco Nero (film version) Camelot 1980 - starring Richard Burton & Julie Andrews & Robert Goulet (Broadway revival) There were quite a few other versions dating back to the 1960 original to 2008 revivals. I've seen only the 1967 & 1980 versions. It's worth it. You'll definitely love it. One can also view the song from Youtube.

reply butchcelestial wrote on Mar 23, '10 He who loves his wife loves himself. Eph 5:28

reply resumus wrote on Mar 23, '10 FRIEND: Kumare, why do you call your good-for-nothing husband "Casanova"? WIFE: I really mean that he looks like a cassava.