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Relationships are such delicate china – handle with care
When I try to look back at the countless things I have acquired and lost in my lifetime, the ones I now regret losing the most are the relationships I failed to keep. From my childhood, schooldays, my teenage years and on through college and my life as a practicing lawyer, I must have had my share of friends, relatives, colleagues, clients, playmates and golfing buddies, just to name a few.
Where are they now? Many of course have passed away, gone on to settle in some far-flung places or chose to simply “move on” evidently unmindful of the farewell phrase “keep it touch.”
Was it perhaps the fact that I myself failed to care for, value and nurture such friendships half as much as I would some commercial items such as cars, golf sets, clothes, etc.? I remember feeling so proud driving around Baguio in an antique, fully-restored 1954 Cadillac which I had acquired from a retiring British executive of a mining company. I would shine and polish that car every morning before taking the time to brush my teeth. Until one day, Marcos decided to increase the price of gas from P.25/liter to P2.50/liter. Today, I don’t miss that car at all.
I now realize of course that it did not help that I happened to engage in the fulltime practice of law. By its very nature, it’s a contentious profession. One is always involved in some adversarial situation, which often means one is liable to rub some people the wrong way. And since you are what you do (“facere sequitur esse”), it seems that through the years I may have also become rather argumentative, loud and aggressive, and with a contrary turn of mind – qualities which do not usually endear one to one’s friends.
In short, I can be a real pain in the rear.
I realize now that relationships are such delicate things. Society, it has been said, is a delicate tissue of personal relationships expressed through mutual confidence and love. We are such delicate creatures. Some friends will not forgive you for ignoring their invitation to a birthday party. Some unkind or harsh word, a critical remark, a careless whisper is enough to ruin a friendship.
One miscue, one little slip of the tongue, one gossip, or thoughtless remark, a fault here, a failure (pagkukulang) there, can smash a friendship to smithereens... and all the king's horses, all the king's men cannot put humpty dumpty together again.
While we are all aware that no one is perfect, some friends can be so unforgiving. I remember I once lost a valued client just because of a smart-alecky remark I made at some community meeting. It had nothing to do at all with my work as her lawyer. Some others begrudge or even envy some friends who turn out to be shrewd businessmen, which often means playing dirty or becoming shameless opportunists.
Needless to say, a sure-fire way to lose a friend is to borrow some money and fail to pay. It’s infinitely worse if there’s deceit involved.
So, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, do we have to wait until our friends die before we decide to forgive and forget?
So, lately I have taken to praying this way every evening as a dearly departed relative used to pray: “Lord, forgive us even as we forgive those who trespass against us? Lord, whatever things I did or failed to do today, I ask for your forgiveness."
Then, I turn around and say to all and sundry: "KAPATID, KAIBIGAN, BAGO AKO MAMATAY, BAGO KA MAMATAY, KUN ANO MAN ANG AKING NAGING KASALANAN O PAGKUKULANG SAYO, PATAWARIN MO NA SANA AKO. GAYUN DIN KUN ANO MAN ANG NAGING KASALANAN O PAGKUKULANG MO SA AKIN, PINATATAWAD NA KITA. I FORGIVE YOU. PLS FORGIVE ME! - Bro. JAMES LANSANG
butchcelestial wrote on May 5, '09
Beautiful, James! Sana noon pa tayo nagkakilala . . . . . . (huhuhutang) . . . . . |
Hi James,
I'm positive that most of us would find this another extremely relevant piece. How many relatioships have been unnecessarily obliterated just because of minor or major personal infractions. Incidentally, when Fabian P was here a few days ago and we were shooting the breeze about our classmates and friends in the seminary, where you (wink,wink)were fondly remembered by the way (haven't seen him for forty years but he remains an unconditional friend), it crossed our minds that some left the circle of friendship with a deafening silence because of an unkind deed, previous careless whisper or stinging word or two which they felt was maliciously hurled at them. Most of these seemingly insignificant words though were not meant to hurt at all. Unfortunately, sometimes we talk before we think to different people with different perceptions. That we have to deal with. We cannot just say anything we want, thinking that anyway, among the listeners, those who matter would not mind and those who mind won't really matter. Treasuring friendship necessitates us to be so careful sometimes like we were walking on eggshells while we are at the middle of a conversation or exchange of pleasantries with our friends which could be very uneasy. Like you observed however, be that as it may, it is not too late to offer a heartfelt apology as long as we truly mean it. Friendship is so precious we need it to our last breath. But it takes effort, sensitivity and vigilance to keep it. While it is easier said than done because of personal equations, if we can, who are we not to forgive. Friends and loved ones are all we have to treasure. The rest is poetry. |
Perceptions are natural elements in human relationship like notes to a melody. Notes may vary but they can be directed to blend and form one unified harmony. Basic to this understanding is the appointed theme and the spirit of a musical array. Without the underlying theme, without the spirit, notes won't fuse effectively. Losing the context, therefore, loses the symphony. Notes become noise; friendship becomes a footnote. . . only a memory.
Ewan ko kung si Confucius ang nagsabi na "If your relationship with your friend is purely psychological and he is the one declared logical, you're in trouble". |
Hi, Kuya ROME, tnx for taking the time to put in your precious two-cents. I guess this is what blogging is all about, a means to generate a lively exchange of thoughts among friends in cyberspace. Since no one has a monopoly of ideas, and everyone has his own unique point of view, blogging and the replies thereto can be a modern dynamic forum. tnx, rgards to all.
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butchcelestial wrote on May 5, '09, edited on May 5, '09
Ako rin kuya, bilib ako dyan kay Rene. Dito nga si XVD Larry Trani di rin maka-intindi. Minsan, yang si Rene malalim, minsan mababaw na para bang swimming pool ng seminaryo na pagka-nag-dive ka sa malalim, eh lumot ang dala mo sa ibabaw. Akala mo chlorinated, malakas naman uminom ng beer. Enigma - ENIGtanaw mo MAlulula ka. Bisaya yun. I have another bisaya ESQ (as in Tanduay ESQ) - Enig Sipyat Quirig . . . . . . |
Kuya Butz, I love all of you guys whom I met in your beautiful city of Tacloban. Were it not for the bads roads of Samar, I want to go back there someday soon. The pipol are as great as the city. More importantly, I want to get to know you all better, Rene, Lani Trani, Boy Benitez, Joel Boco, and of course, the one and only butchcelestial - a heavenly body, i.e., an angel. ESQ.
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butchcelestial wrote on May 6, '09
Sorry to spoil your happiness guys. If I will put anything at the back of my house (by the bay), it will not contain alcoholic drinks (or alcohol bath). Come to think about it - mind over matter - we are experts on that (whatever is on your mind doesn't matter). Quote for today: "You've got to win in your mind before you win in your life." - John Addison |
Hindi ko na ngayon malaman if "resto bar" means "magre-rest ba tayo o magba-bar?". It's the same confusion I experienced when you wrote "ET"; does that mean "Exhausted Taclobanon"? hahahaha! In a way, ito ang sinasabi kong walang samaan ng loob dahil we both are aware of the climate we're in. Malice kasi can lead to pregnancy (huh?).
Pasasaan ba't magkakaroon ulit tayo ng chance to engage in a spirited conversation. We might as well call the next meeting as "St. Michael's Forum (The Anatomy of One Who is Half Filipino & Half Alcohol)". Moreover, lately ko lang nalaman ang dahilan kung bakit ako umiinom ako ng beer. . . lactose intolerant pala ako. agyamanak, gayyem. (o, ayan, tsatsamba na naman ako ng Ilokano). Wen, manong. |
w/or w/out a resto bar 
Yes, the group was also instrumental in making the stay of Fabs and his beloved Family in the Big Apple and Garden State memorable. Fr. Jess Briones, Fr. Jun Pateno, Cecil Floresca, Jun Densing, Aster Navarro (napeklan nga taga-Bangued), Henry Balaga from Brooklyn were there to share the memories and the Polish babka.
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Kuya RENE, I am convinced that you might well be The Blogger we have all been looking out for all along. While your comments are always welcome and provide comic relief, I believe we should all benefit from your many talents. When can we expect a real blog from you. Here's a toast to you.and your future blogs.
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That's right, Kuya ROME, I saw some of the fotos which FABS posted on his site. You american boys still retain the old filipino hospitality. we hope we have the chance to reciprocate when you guys visit us here. I regret that we have often been remiss in this regard. I am afraid that whenever Cecil and Jun (Densing) come to visit, we don't really give them the old "visiting fireman's welcome." Pls extend my regards to ASTER. tnx,rgards.
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elmersarmiento wrote on May 8, '09
One with you, James. Happy birthday!
By the way, as you're a great friend, there's nothing to forgive and forget. I only forgive my enemies - nothing annoys them so much. |
Sana, may mag-seryoso na
na matutukan ang pagbuo ng libro/mga libro hango sa mga ipinamamahagi ng mga bloggers dito sa xvdmultiply ng sa gayun ay mas marami ang makalasap at makinabang sa mga bunga (matamis man o mapait o mapakla) ng mga semilyang natanim/itinanim, lumago/pinalago, namunga/namumunga sa iba't-ibang dako ng mundo, di lamang sa ating mga pulo. (Kuya, kung ako'y ilang buwang "nanahimik" hindi ito ibig sabihin/nangangahulugan na ang ating "relasyon" ay hinto na, naputol/pinutol na, nalagot/nilagot na...) I become what i experience. I experienced/experience you and you have become a part of me. In moments of solitude, i felt/feel, there were/are aforming/reforming/transforming the essential in me with the experience of you with the experience with you with the experience thru you. Kakaiba ka, Kuya James. Natatangi. Sana, lalo nating natatanto/matanto na kailangan nating yumuko na kailangan nating lumuhod upang aminin at ihingi ng kapatawaran ang ating mga kalabisan at ang ating mga pagkukulang sa sarili at sa isa't-isa. |
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