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Things only a grandfather could teach his grandkids– For one reason or another I grew up not ever having experienced the joys of having a grandfather or even a granduncle. They all died too soon either because life expectancy then was simply too short or because of the many pandemics and dreaded diseases that plagued the country in those days.
As if these were not enough reasons, the Philippines was one of the favorite battlegrounds of the warring forces in WWII. If the brutal Kempetai or merciless guerillas did not kill most of your relatives, Gen. McArthur who returned to this country with a vengeance (after his defeat in Corregidor) made sure he decimated Gen. Yamashita’s men by dropping bombs on every square meter of Philippine soil and blowing all and sundry, including most of our relatives, into smithereens.
My paternal grandfather, Segundo Ronquillo Lansang (born abt 1870) must have died or been killed by the great influenza epidemic of the early 1900s; either that or cholera, typhoid, tuberculosis or whatever dreaded disease was prevalent then, penicillin not having as yet been discovered. We don’t even have a picture of him. My maternal grandfather, Venancio Pineda David (born abt 1880) lived only long enough for me to vaguely remember there once was an “Incong Bosyong” in my grandmother’s house. They kept saying I looked just like him.
A built-in problem of course is that grandfathers generally pre-decease grandmothers much sooner. It seems the slings and arrows that grandfathers are heir to are much too many to dodge.
Now that I have lived long enough to be a grandfather, I have realized how much I may have lost not having a grandfather as I was growing up.
I now believe only a grandfather has the right to teach his grandchildren.
Parents are simply too busy making a living, too inexperienced, too involved and therefore too stressed or too impatient to have the time, the devotion and dedication needed to teach a child – properly.
It has often been said that “those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” Parents are role models. They have to live by example. Grandparents, grandfathers, especially, were only designed to teach, not to do.
Hereunder, for example, are some things I would teach or show my grandchildren (which many parents may not agree with or have never seriously considered). Of course, you are free to add your own suggestions, if you’re old enough.
1. Play all you can while you can. Or, let the children play. Adults work.
2. Do what you like. Your parents will tell you to do what you don’t like to do.
3. Go ahead, dance in the rain if you like. Catch a cold. Unlike adults, children don’t catch pneumonia.
4. You are never too young to learn anything. Pick up a tennis racket, swing a golf club, kick a soccer ball as soon as you are able to walk.
5. Don’t waste your time doing what doesn’t interest you. Find out what interests you. That may take a lifetime.
6. Play fair. Avoid playing with girls. Don’t hit girls.
7. Learn to like yourself, to enjoy yourself. Allow others to do the same.
8. Stay in school. Learn why you have to go to school. Learn to like going to school.
9. If you want to stay in school, don’t take the girls or boys too seriously. There’s no such thing as a “one and only.”
10. If you have to choose, choose being good instead of smart. This world has too many smart people already.
11. Hug you grandpa or let him hug you every chance you get while he’s still around.
12. If you have a problem, tell your grandpa not your parents – they are much too uptight or too busy to be of much help. Don’t ask your friends either. They are much too young or inexperienced or envious.
13. Without being wishy-washy, try to keep an open mind about everything. When your grandpa was younger, two people had to be of opposite sex to marry, priests did not marry and have children, gays were called “emotionally-imbalanced persons.”
14. In your grampa’s time, a boy had a penis, while a girl had boobs. Now, it ain’t necessarily so.
15. Try not to look down on people who seem less fortunate, less smarter, less good-looking than you. They may just eventually wind up to be your boss at work.
16. Speaking of looking down, remember to wear your RayBan shades if you have to stare down a plunging neckline.
17. Don’t think you’ll solve all your problems by trying to marry into great wealth or, if you’re a girl, by waiting for a prince charming (a disease that’s been called “the Cinderella syndrome”). They say “he who marries into money will earn every cent of it.” It is best to be able to help yourself, otherwise, you might as well be a handicapped person.
18. As soon as possible, learn to be genuinely interested in other people, to care for them, and be of service. That’s why God created so many people – so they can help one another. Such an attitude automatically solves a young person’s perennial problem – self-consciousness, a disease caused by always thinking of oneself instead of others.
19. When your parents take you to church, try to discover why they insist on taking you along, why you say grace before meals or kneel to pray before going to sleep. If you don’t understand your parents, just give it time. When you have children of your own, then you’ll understand why.
20. Whatever happens, nothing is ever as bad as it seems. It will blow over. Things will be all right – eventually. Trust your grampa – or God – on this.- James D. Lansang
Part of my childhood was spent with both sets of grandparents and I agree with a lot of what you wrote here. I, too, believe that grandparents are the best teachers of a growing child. I remember everything my lola told me about keeping the house clean, for instance. Very basic things but ones that I carried with me till my adult years. One of my favorite books, CWG, also said that in 'highly evolved communities' [ideal communities that we all should be aspiring for], it is the grandparents, or the elders, who will take care of the kids and be the source of wisdom. It said that one shouldn't expect parents to teach kids wisdom because they themselves are still in the process of discovering who they really are. But the elders have already been there, done that and have that much needed insight that children will need in their journey of becoming spiritual individuals.
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wow, bem2, you're the early customer. tnx for your most sensible comments. i didnt realize there was even a book (CWG) confirming or validating what I merely suggestd as my little personal theory on grandparents. btw, whats CWG - is that Conversations with God? Pls continue to keep in touch. your insights are a refreshing change frm the old-fashioned comments i usually get from the old fogies. you ended with "spiritual individuals," an interesting aspect i did not touch but which you evidently consider important in a person's upbringing. tnx rgards
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journey of becoming spiritual individuals 
Makikikuya na rin po ako :)... so Kuya Jey [or James?], yes that's the book [but I hear it's being criticized by some religious sectors for its highly controversial topics] and it's in volume 2, which gave a sensible argument about who are the perfect persons to be imparting wisdom to the children. And, unless grandparents have issues that they haven't resolved within themselves, i.e. unemotionally available, abusive etc, then these elderly members of the community are the people who will teach the children 'well' [of course, to add to what the parents are teaching]. I agree with that because I saw that with my own eyes. While my parents were struggling to find ways to give us a good and stable future by working hard, my grandparents provided my sister and I the practical wisdom that young kids need to learn early on, including respect, industriousness, cleanliness, spirituality [going to mass at 4 a.m. daily and sleeping almost through the whole service was a 4-year-old's introduction with a life-long quest for spirituality :)]. ... but that 'old fogies' made me laugh... old foggies may be but nonetheless led a full life of searching for answers and faith [at least finding out what works for them and sticking with it].
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donpacheco wrote on Jul 11, '09
Kuya lakay,
It is always fresh wind to listen to the words of wisdom of the greatest grandpa ofall. |
Ate, tnx for your prompt reply. i wouldnt worry nor care too much abt "some religious sectors" being critical about the book you found rather interesting. it's usually called "professional jealousy." what's impt is that you yourself found something there which agrees with your religious sensibilities - of which you seem to have plenty of - thanks in no small measure to your grandparents who led you early on into a life of transcendental awareness. Keep the faith. rgards
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Thanks for the sharing, Kuya James.
Your suggestions, i hope to apply in due time. And that will be soon! Am looking forward to lolo-hood! And the insights you shared will all come in handy as i prepare for my lolo-hood. Again, gracias. Kuya, talagang di ka maubusan sa pamamahagi ng mga bagay na may saysay at magagamit sa pang-araw-araw na pamumuhay upang ang buhay ay maging mas makabuluhan at pakipakinabang. |
Kuya James,
An add-on from ...guess who - Rudolph Guiliani! " What children need most are the essentials that grandprents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies." Here's something new from Genesis. On the seventh day, God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town ...on a weekend. Paraphrasing Gene Perret. Personally, am looking forward to having grandchildren of my own. Taking my cue from Camelot (How to handle a woman)...simply love them, simply love them. It's just more than what it takes. |
Tnx, Kuya Cecil, for your valuable add-ons. Mine was merely to brainstorm, if you will. This blogsite could indeed be the social vehicle wherein xvds and people with similar interests, inclinations, or even idiosyncracies can exchange views and even be recognized, or simply keep in touch - as envisioned and suggested by our blogmaster, Kuya EPISASO.
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Seriously, however, Kuya J, you have some valid points in your presentation of grandpas, especially insofar as love (or is it doting?) and time are concerned. Grandfathers belong to a different breed. They are so unlike fathers, mothers, and even grandmothers that one begins to wonder if the Bible has mentioned anything about grandpops? Why? Or why not? I have read about Joseph, Mary, and Anna. Has anybody read who the grandfather of JC was? Wrong me if I'm wrong. (Why is "correct me if I'm wrong" always used when "wrong me if I'm wrong" is probably right, too? I can't resist deviations, can I?)
Without giving emphasis on grandfathers, is the Bible telling us something? Just asking. Medyo hindi mataas ang grado ko sa Catechism. Para pa ngang nakalalamang ang mga prostitutes dahil palagi silang nababanggit sa Bibliya. But before I get misinterpreted, I'm NOT equating grandpas with prostitutes. Far from it. All I'm trying to point out is the frequency of reference to grandpas and prostis in the Bible. Mga five years from now, magiging lolo na rin siguro ako. Medyo nakababahalang isipin na ang magiging role ko sa society as a grandpop ay mukhang hindi nabibigyan diin ng Bibliya kaysa sa role ng isang "frosty". Sabi pa nga ng isang lolo sa kanyang dalagang apo, "At bakit mo gustong magtrabaho sa call center, iha? Ano ngayon ang itatawag sa 'yo -- call girl?" And now, to go direct to the point, except for their edge in showing more love partly because they have more time, granddads (especially those who don't update themselves on current events and technology) may be giving the young the right answers in a wrong time. Solutions that worked in the past may not necessarily work in the present time. I just pray na kung maging lolo na ako, sana bigyan nila ako ng CG. . . . . . . caregiver po, hindi call girl. |
The comments here are very interesting read, esp coming from the grandpas and would-be lolos. I really highly recommend Pixar's 'Up' when it is finally shown there because it does touch on how 'grandpas' [well not necessarily with apos] deal with some juvenile things. They have a pragmatism based on a deeper understanding of reality, but they still are very human in so many ways. Please, please, please, watch 'Up'; it's heartbreaking but inspiring and we'll all fall in love with Carl, the main lead in the twilight of his years. As for me, being an apo, I can truthfully say that I will never forget my time with my lolos. My lolo Elis used to take me along for a ride in his bike, even when I accidentally broke the chains [I forget now what happened]. He would shake his head and sigh when I had tantrums [which were rare I've to say]. It was a test in patience. He was a photographer and used to let me hold the box-type camera he had. He would also let me feed the pet cats. My other lolo, Lolo Jimmy, fetched me to and from kindergarten, taught me how to use chopsticks and showed me his drawer-full of Chinese herbal medicines. He used to do magic tricks and gave me a pair of nice earring even though I hadn't had my ears pierced yet. He was the one who told my mom that 'matigas ang ulo ng batang ito' haha :) One thing that I still vividly remember up to now was how it felt like putting my tiny arms around his [he was quite portly as my other lolo was quite lanky] neck as he carried me. I was only 3 or 4 then. And he was the one who taught me how to appreciate short wave radio and Glenn Millier music. I miss both of them dearly. I guess my point is that grandchildren never forget their experiences with lolos, if they're lucky enough to have them for this gives them another dimension to how they view 'family' and gives them a different kind of 'belonging', making their adult years richer because of these wonderful memories they will forever keep in their hearts.
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