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What they failed to teach me in the seminary. – Or, to put it another way, what I failed to learn in the seminary. - Looking back after more than half a century later, I do have a few regrets about my relatively brief stay in the seminary. I did not realize it at the time, of course. I was simply too young, too innocent, too inexperienced to know any better, to be able to discern what should or should not have been in my youthful quest to become a Catholic missionary priest, or anything else for that matter. Assuming that among the few young men of my time, I for one did entertain such thoughts, that I failed to become one I now blame the seminary to a great extent. In short, I now believe the seminary is partly, nay, greatly to blame for its failure to turn an innocent, aspiring, idealistic kid like me into what a seminary is supposed to do – convert me into a dedicated, driven and devoted worker in the vineyard of the Lord. That was their chance. And they blew it. What else is the seminary for?
To set the record straight, I was never told to leave the seminary. I just woke up one morning and told the father prefect that I was leaving, quitting – with my younger brother (who had joined me a year later) – for no apparent good reason. I was seventeen (and my brother, sixteen). The prefect was completely taken by surprise, as well he should have been. He was dumbfounded, evidently disappointed and frustrated. But, in fairness, he just simply let us go. He simply let us go! Couldn’t he have possibly suggested that maybe we should spend a bit more time to think it over more carefully and seriously, especially considering our relatively tender age at the time? There were no previous unpleasant or ugly incidents to trigger the rather sudden, whimsical if hasty “decision” on our part. In fact, it was not so much a decision as much as a capricious, spur-of-the-moment thought.
My brother and I were doing just fine in the seminary up to that moment. We had become rather well-adjusted to life in the seminary. We had no problem with the academic, moral, psychological or disciplinary requirements. We had no pending “issues” with anything or anyone at all in the seminary. In all modesty, by brother and I by most standards were or should have been considered “ideal” seminarians, good candidates to proceed on into novitiate, philosophy, theology and so on.
So, why did I do it? And why did I have to drag my brother along. He was doing fine on his own by then. Maybe the devil made me do it. But then again why did the prefect just let us go – just like that?
Indeed, if you’ll pardon the cliché, God, if he had anything to do with that situation, does work in mysteriously incomprehensible if wondrous ways.
My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, so sayeth the Lord. Isaiah 55:8-9.
It’s true of course that everything eventually just turned out fine, if not for the best. I have no regrets about how my life turned out after leaving the seminary.
Neither do I entertain any regrets or recriminations about my seminary schooling and training. I said that much in an earlier blog. Much of what I am and have become I owe to a large measure to my high school days in the seminary. “You are what you were in high school” was the title of that blog (July 13, 2008).
So, what’s my beef?
Well, once in a while, when I have nothing better to do, I get into that coulda-shoulda-woulda mood. Then I would start thinking that I could have become a priest, not that I should have, but that I could have become one, a good one. Then I begin to blame the seminary.
I realize of course that people leave the seminary for all kinds of reasons, some flimsy, some serious, some justified and, more often than not, many completely by what lawyers call “excusable mistake,” negligence, incompetence, whim or caprice of the powers that be.
I look back at my situation and I have mostly the seminary to blame.
I humbly submit that the seminary had their chance with me and they blew it. No, not my fault. As I said, I was too innocent, too naïve, lost and confused at the time. They should have known better and shoulda done the right thing.
More importantly, I blame the system in the seminary. I am now convinced that one is never too young to learn – anything – whether it be tennis, golf, billiards, computers, automotive mechanics, cooking, mathematics, patriotism, philosophy, theology. One is never too young to be able to decide what he/she really wants to do with his/her life, for the rest of his/her life. The earlier, the better.
I propose that seminary training should be such that within a few months or years, any young man voluntarily entering the seminary should have successfully been converted, turned into, brainwashed, if you will, into a devoted, dedicated, fanatical young soldier of Christ, ready to go out and do battle, to live and die for Christ, to love, live and die for fellowman for Christ’s sake. That must be the mission of every priest. Every young seminarian must thus be taught and trained, as early as possible. Carpe diem! The seminary should have such a system.
In my lifetime, I have seen enough video and film clips of young men, 14-18 years old, their bodies blown to bits, their arms and legs cut off, their heads and eyes bruised, battered and bloodied by bombs, grenades, shrapnel and mortar fires, suicide car and motorcycle bombers, all ready and willing to die for what they were taught early on to believe in.
I propose that seminary administrators quit fooling around and giving the seminarians candies, carrots and bribes just for them to “stay” in the seminary. In my time, I believe just to get me distracted and entertained, I was taught to play pingpong, basketball, softball, volleyball, chess, shuffleboard (for goodness’ sake), horseshoe, swimming, and whatever else little boys are supposed to play. I was made to excel in Latin and all the other regular academic subjects taught in high school. In other words, I was taught and trained to do virtually everything that kids of my age were doing or learning to do. Everything, that is, except the most important thing. They evidently forgot (or tried to save for last) to devise a system whereby after a year or so in the seminary, they would have to skin me alive to get me out of the seminary or to give up my firm, lifetime resolve to become a priest, a good priest, and to dedicate my life in the service of fellowman – all for the sake of Christ, my Lord and Master.
Maybe the seminary administrators were too soft on me, afraid that if they laid it out hard on me, I would quit. Is it possible that they themselves may have been lacking the faith, zeal, and conviction that nothing is too good or too much to do or to give up for Christ? Were they afraid that if seminary life were too strict, too demanding, too damn hard, that I would quit? Is it bad to be so fired up and fanatical about one’s faith? Or, are we too coy or embarrassed to openly proclaim and profess our faith, as if it were not the politically correct thing to do or that maybe we might hurt other people’s religious sensibilities?
How is it that the early Christians allowed themselves to be fed to the lions or be crucified upside down or burned at the stake?
Is it too early for a young man to decide right there and then to be able to live and die for his faith? Do the seminary administrators really believe that high school is too early for one to decide to accept and embrace priesthood as his lifetime ambition?
In short, after more than four years in the seminary, the system had failed to make me embrace and love Christ with all my heart and soul, enough for me to give up my life for him, and in the process give up Satan, and all his works and pomps.
I have undergone 3-day courses wherein you come out ready to live and die for much lesser and more mundane causes. I have heard of young, aspiring tennis and golf players hitting that stupid ball 8 hours a day and thinking nothing but golf or tennis 24/7. One would think that Christ, the one true prophet and Son of God, is deserving of no less a commitment and effort. Where have all the fools for Christ gone? - Bro. James D. Lansang
May I ask why you went to the Seminary in the first place? Not that it's unusual for many Filipino families to have had a member go. Priesthood or the clergy is an admirable vocation like other professions. I have an older brother who went but left after a year or so and his description of it was... well, sort of like gong to camp. Food wasn't great but camaraderie was and he played hours of basketball. He gave it up on his own volition.
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Bravo! Another magnum opus, Kuya!
Right, you are, as usual, Kuya. Yes, it's the system, man, the system. Perhaps, it's about time you submit a concrete proposal to seminary administrators, formators all to help reform/transform the system, the system in the seminary with the ultimate objective of developing a better system to transform young men in the seminary "to hit the ball 12 hours a day", thinking nothing but Christ and His mission, their would be mission 24/7. Yes, you hit it right again: Seminary administrators/formators all over should be convinced, not just think, that Christ, their Master, the Master of all those aspiring to the priesthood, the Master of us all, deserves the 24/7 commitment that aspiring tennis,golf, basketball players, boxers put into their respective field. Kuya, there's the rub: How many seminary administrators/formators have the 24/7 commitment to and passion for the Master? How many have the passion to live as the Master did when He was around? How many have the passion of a Federer? of a Nadal? of a Phil Jackson? of a Michael Jordan? of a Michael Jackson? of a Gary Valenciano? among the seminary formators/adminstrators? Question: How is genuine commitment to a cause developed? Question: How is passion in life, in what we do, developed? Ang buhay ay hawa-hawa... Tanong: Bakit di tayo nahawa ng buhay ni Kristo habang tayo ay nasa seminaryo? |
pinoynoir said
 May I ask why you went to the Seminary in the first place? Not that it's unusual for many Filipino families to have had a member go. Priesthood or the clergy is an admirable vocation like other professions. I have an older brother who went but left after a year or so and his description of it was... well, sort of like gong to camp. Food wasn't great but camaraderie was and he played hours of basketball. He gave it up on his own volition. 
Exactly what I was trying to drive at, Sam, the seminary failed to provide me that "driving passion" that other less noble professions and activities seem able to generate from their adherents.
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tnx, Kuya ROMY. You yourself have supplied the answer. Whether it's about being ordained or taking a wife, the man had better be PASSIONATELY in love and committed 100% to what he is getting himself into. Otherwise, he cannot hope to succeed. Christ himself was very clear about that. What did he tell that rich young man... what did he say about fence-sitters and lukewarm followers?
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butchcelestial wrote on Jun 24, '09, edited on Jun 25, '09
God didn't make a mistake, James. You are exactly where He wanted you to be now. Its no use dwelling in the past unless its for a good blog (I enjoyed it and I will always enjoy you, my friend). I always felt like you feel but I have learned to be content and thankful for what God has put me through.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 |
Nakakatakot, Kuya, kung sisiryosohin talaga ang sinabi Niya re fence-sitters and lukewarm followers!
Patay. Yari karamihan sa atin! Woe be us all! Good reminder, though. Gratias, Frater Santiago Lansang. Deo gratias. A passing thought, food for thought: Re--- It's easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Di kaya na instill at natanim ng malalim sa isipan at puso ng maraming pumasok sa seminaryo ang puntong ito? Bakit ko naitanong? Dahil, sa kabila ng kagalingan ng maraming pumasok at lumabas at seminaryo, marami ang mahihirap at naghihirap. Bakit kaya? Dahil natakot at natatakot kaya ayaw yumaman at magpakayaman? Dahil kaya natatakot di makapasok, di makalusot sa kaharian ng langit? Pahabol. Isa pang tanong: Gusto ba ng Diyos na ang Kanyang mga anak ay hirap, naghihirap, at maghirap? Gusto ba ng Diyos na tayo, Kanyang mga anak, ay hirap, naghihirap at maghirap habang tayo'y nandirito sa mundong ibabaw? |
butchcelestial wrote on Jun 25, '09
Kuya James, where are you now, if you may ask? . . . . . . you are a blessing to us all . . . . . . your blog tells all of it. It makes us laugh, it makes us remember and even possibly cry but its still a blessing to me. |
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