| WHAT'S SIZE GOT TO DO WITH IT? | for everyone |
What’s size got to do with it? – Fair WARNING: If you are below 18, or think like one, this post may contain some material not suitable for you.
Bless me, Father for I have sinned. As a young boy in the seminary, I picked a fruit from a tree in the vast seminary grounds, and it has bothered me ever since. It didn’t help that it happened to be a jackfruit, which must be one of the biggest fruits in the world. After I had taken it down, I hid it in some tall cogon grass, let it ripen for a while, and then started eating it all by myself. No, after I had eaten most of it, I thought of sharing the rest with the only person at the time who I knew wouldn’t betray me, my younger brother, John, who had joined me in the seminary.
Without wishing to justify my heinous crime, for anybody who knows what a big ripening jackfruit smells like, it’s almost irresistible. It’s like its cousin the “durian.” Its smell is akin to rotting flesh which primates and other carnivorous predators instinctively or unconsciously somehow crave. You can smell it a mile away. It seems it tends to bring out some primeval urges. It’s got nothing to do with sex either, silly. Although to be very honest, I really wouldn’t know. At that age, sex was the farthest thing from my mind, believe it or not.
I have never ceased wondering. Was it perhaps its size that bothered me so much about the whole sordid affair? Is a jackfruit more precious or more costly than imported apples or oranges, grapes or Thailand tamarinds? Who determines the price of any commodity? Is it the number or size of the pits or seeds or lack thereof that matter? Seedless grapes and papayas are generally more sought after. Or are we more interested in the seeds, like watermelon and squash seeds? I personally like eating the jackfruit seeds myself. Why did God make the avocado seed so big and yet inedible? The fruit of the cashew tree as well as the cacao are practically discarded. It’s the cashew nut which sits royally on top of the fruit that we crave for and relish. There would be no chocolate without the seeds of the cacao fruit.
Just because a fruit is rare is no excuse for making it necessarily more expensive. In this day and age of agricultural breakthroughs, virtually any fruit can be grown in abundance and found at supermarkets anywhere at any time of the year.
Is it the taste that counts? Here we’re liable to invite endless bickering. There simply is no accounting for taste. As the Spaniards love to say: “de gusto, no hay nada escrito.” Or as the Romans used to say: “de gustibus non est disputandum.” There is a fish in the Cagayan Valley called “lurong” which the people there will pay any price for. Almost as expensive is the“maliputo” in the Batangas/Taal area which the Batanguenos rave about but is really nothing more than a “talakitok” in disguise. The Pampangos eat the lowly cricket or “camaru” and consider it a delicacy. Whatever you do, don’t ever force a tourist to try our“balut” and expect him to return for another visit. Let’s not bring in the Chinese who will win an Olympic gold medal for eating just about anything that moves, swims or crawls. On a more cultivated note, the French will swear by truffles, used in making pate de foie gras, which mushroom is nothing more than some rare, odorous fungi that female pigs seem particularly attracted to, which can cost as much as a thousand dollars per pound.
Not being extraordinarily endowed myself, I have always been fascinated that size or numbers often seem to be our constant preoccupation. Killing a whale is not exactly the same as stepping on a mouse or a cockroach. Somehow there is more remorse felt about slaughtering elephants and lions than pigs and chickens and cattle. For that matter, there seems to be an endless outcry about the holocaust victims of WWII and Hitler, than about the millions of dissident Russians killed by Stalin, or the starving millions in Africa or the victims of genocide in Rwanda. As if size or numbers or their arbitrary pecuniary equivalent were all that matters. Just as the world has a curious way of judging “success” it also has a funny way of appreciating what it believes to be important.
And yet, what is the most fearsome and dreaded animal in all of Africa, nay, in all of the world? It’s the mosquito. Or, more precisely, if you ask mother nature, it will tell you it’s the lowly micro-organisms, such as, the bacteria or virsuses often borne by mosquitos. Even as you read, there are thousands upon thousands of people dying of malaria, cholera, tuberculosis, AIDS, dengue, and flu every single minute in Africa and other third-world countries. More people have been killed by influenza than in all the world wars put together. The greatest plague (or Black Death) in the Middle Ages which spawned all kinds of religious fervor and beliefs while killing millions upon millions of people was caused by a lowly bacterium living in some lice or fleas embedded in the rats running around in the sewers and gutters of Europe. The plague kept on recurring for several more centuries.
“The 14th century eruption of the Black Death had a drastic effect on Europe's population, irrevocably changing the social structure. It was a serious blow to the Roman Catholic Church, and resulted in widespread persecution of minorities such as Jews, foreigners, beggars, and lepers. The uncertainty of daily survival created a general mood of morbidity, influencing people to "live for the moment", as illustrated by Giovanni Boccaccio in The Decameron (1353).”
As far as mother nature is concerned, the key to survival seems to be in smallness, in miniaturization. Or, to put it another way, “blessed are the meek, the lowly, the humble… they shall inherit the earth.” (Mt. 5:5). The slogan has to be “Go Micro” which, alas, our women have evidently pre-empted and understood to refer to the length of their skirts. The dinosaurs have showed us in no uncertain terms that it does not pay to be big. You will inevitably become extinct. Therefore, you will not inherit the earth.
In case we haven’t realized it yet, it’s no longer “Go West, young man.” Not even, “Think BIG.” Just the opposite. Now, it’s think small. Let’s face it, miniaturization, micro-fabrication, nanotechnology have become the way of the future. Small is big. The latest Apple iPod made in diamonds and gold costs tens of thousands of dollars. Our doctors and scientists have learned to depend largely on laboratory technicians and scientists peering into their microscopes, and studying the ways of constantly mutating micro-organisms, DNAs, genes and gnomes.
While Yao Ming may be the most popular athlete in the current Olympics, I can almost foresee the day when somebody will organize a “Miniature or Mini-Olympics” where the emphasis and gold medals will not be awarded for bulk and size but on athleticism and pure skill. Then the Filipino will shine and have a fighting chance. Does it mean that God loves us less because there is less to love? Quite the contrary. The most popular maxim will eventually be: “God is in the detail” (a synonym for smallness).
As usual, women are partly to blame for this apparent fascination with size. Women in general like their men to be big and strong, and if possible goodlooking. They seem to overlook that many “vertically-challenged” men have a great tendency to become super-achievers. Napoleon and Hitler easily come to mind. Even in the sports world where size and bulk matter, you would have guys like Pele, Maradona, who became legends in their field.
Legitimate studies of intelligence have shown that among the three races Asians ranked the highest in IQ, followed by whites, with blacks coming in last. Legitimate surveys of penis size have shown that among the three races, blacks have the biggest penises, followed by whites, with asians coming in last. An inverse correlation is established between IQ and penis size.
But race should never be an issue, as everything is a matter of values, preferences and priorities. Some blacks see themselves as lucky just because they have gigantic penises. Some Asians see themselves as lucky just because they have gigantic brain power. Some blacks see themselves as unlucky even if they have gigantic penises. Some Asians see themselves unlucky even if they have gigantic brain power. Some whites are not happy with the medium and wish they either had gigantic brain power or a gigantic penis. And so on and so forth. In brief, the size or the thing does not really matter. What’s the moral? I will leave that to the reader. Give me a break. From now on, mine will merely be to provide some sticking points. I will however appreciate some suggestions for my penance to ease my delicate conscience on that sticky stolen jackfruit which seems to bother me up to now. 3 Our Fathers and 3 HailMarys didn’t seem to work. JAMES L.
But race should never be an issue, as everything is a matter of values, preferences and priorities. Some blacks see themselves as lucky just because they have gigantic penises. Some Asians see themselves as lucky just because they have gigantic brain power. Some blacks see themselves as unlucky even if they have gigantic penises. Some Asians see themselves unlucky even if they have gigantic brain power. Some whites are not happy with the medium and wish they either had gigantic brain power or a gigantic penis. And so on and so forth. In brief, the size or the thing does not really matter. What’s the moral? I will leave that to the reader. Give me a break. From now on, mine will merely be to provide some sticking points. I will however appreciate some suggestions for my penance to ease my delicate conscience on that sticky stolen jackfruit which seems to bother me up to now. 3 Our Fathers and 3 HailMarys didn’t seem to work. JAMES L.
For you to be bothered to this day by your aged conscience, there must be more than one jackfruit you stole that you missed to confess. Suggest you go confess to either Fr. Peter Michael, SVD, or Bishop Cesar Raval, DD, SVD. Either of them will surely understand the circumstances during your seminary days. But you have to hurry up since both holy men are already in the pre-departure area.
To be golden aged and still not accept and not be contented with one's anatomical structure, tough. |
Rey Suyom, you have just successfully added another unique insight: with sweetness must come some spikes; like the thorns among the roses; some spices for an otherwise bland existence. tnx agn. rgards
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tomranada said
 Kuya, quite an interesting and enlightening thread of ideas here. As a kind of encouragement, it must have been Kungfu-cius who said, "The penis stronger than the sword." 
Tom, your careless typing and spelling errors might eventually get us into trouble. Watch out, Big Bro is watching/reading our p's & q's.
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My laptop's going on extended vacation has given you a break, Ka James. My allocated hour-a-day computer time at the public library is not sufficient for everything I want to interject here so I'll stay away from this issue. Be deafened by the sounds of my silence....
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jeemsdee said
Tom, your careless typing and spelling errors might eventually get us into trouble. Watch out, Big Bro is watching/reading our p's & q's.
In the world of words, Kuya Jeemsdee, we are allowed occasional typographical errors, aren't we? Kuya Tom must have wanted to say, "The femme is mightier than the sward". Or did he want to say "penicillin"? As Confucius must have said, "One word is a wise man".
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viyopineda wrote on Aug 12, '08
Hi James, Galing! Size sabi nila matters....Pag malaki ang SU.... malaki daw ang PEK.... hehehe.... Brod, iba iniisip mo, pag malaki ang SUGAT.... malaki ang PEKLAT!
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Hi, Vik. Sodeska. I was beginning to wonder if we had managed to prick your feelings enough to make you lay off for a while. What's wrong w/ ur laptop. If you can't get it fixd over there, we can have it chkd here. what they usually do is simply to reprogram the whole thing = of course saving all your dirty files first into a separate CD. It seems a common cause of laptop breakdowns is viruses frm frequent downloading in the Internet. As I said in my blog, watch out for bacteria and viruses. Your comments - while a pain in the neck - are sadly missed. Somehow, a rose without its thorns does not look like a rose.
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viyopineda said
Hi James, Galing! Size sabi nila matters....Pag malaki ang SU.... malaki daw ang PEK.... hehehe.... Brod, iba iniisip mo, pag malaki ang SUGAT.... malaki ang PEKLAT!
Hi, Viyo, tnx for taking the tym to keep in touch and putting in ur comments, despite ur bz sked. Didn't realize fan ka pala ng Porkchops.
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resumus said
In the world of words, Kuya Jeemsdee, we are allowed occasional typographical errors, aren't we? Kuya Tom must have wanted to say, "The femme is mightier than the sward". Or did he want to say "penicillin"? As Confucius must have said, "One word is a wise man".
Mang Rey, kayo ni Mang Tom might just succeed in introducing some virulent virus into this otherwise healthy exchange of ideas. Then we might really need some penisillyn.
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goforthx said
lansang in bisaya is nail (spike). but i know lansang is always in the lansangan talking and drinking with tricycle and jeepney drivers.
Now, am really confused. I thot goforthx was TOM R. How did you know abt my secret drinking habits. Am just trying to emulate Bro. Jess preferential option for drinking buddies. As much as possible, one should avoid drinking with cerebrals - they will make your head spin faster than the alcohol,
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Hands up my feet talaga ako sa facility mo sa pen...kuya. kaya, hanggan read na lang ako most of the time kc mahina ako sa pen....pero di ako mahilig sa malaki, kaya kinukuha ko (hindi nakaw, hah. alangan namang mga unggoy lang sa forest natin ang kakain, o baka unggoy din ako) noon ay avocados lang.madali kasing itago - ang damot at takaw, ano? mga unggoy lang....kaya siguro wala akong guilty conscience....
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Kuya EMAN, how gud to hear frm you coming all the way frm CdeO. You know, in my old age, the virtue I like to appreciate the most is HUMILITY. It takes great humility for one to acknowledge and to take the time and effort to show appreciation for somebody else's work or accomplishment, no matter how undeserved. You may have started an exercise here. By making a public confession abt your avocado-picking. I recall that Fabs P also confessed abt "borrowing" a book at Alemar's. I wonder who will line up for confession next.
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elmersarmiento wrote on Aug 17, '08
Filipinos no longer brag about its claim of having the smallest deer, smallest mouse or fish or the smallest volcano (Taal). We are now going for the kill. The Guiness Book of Records now list Marcos as the biggest crook in the world and the Philippines as the most corrupt country in Asia. . I am bothered when Neri was offered "sec, may 200 ka dito" from a US$ 350 million project; or a computerization contract worth a billion peso that went for naught; a missing 700 million-peso fertilizer fund; a trillion-peso budget, 35% goes to some people's pockets or a CA justice being offered 10 million for his silence? A jackfruit? You were a kid James. You are forgiven. And I admire you for your "attempt to slay the demon that lurks in your conscience".
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Kuya ELMER, how wise and perceptive of you to bring into an otherwise trivial discussion the issue of corruption and decadence in the country. Altho as a matter of blogging policy, I will try to steer clear of politics, one of these days I may just decide to write about some of the monumental problems of the only Christian country in Asia. Or, better yet, why don't you do it? You sound like a concerned citizen. Tnx agn for you comment. rgards
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viagba said
You've done religion. You've done sex. Why not politics? This will guarantee that you've covered all the bases that count. And that the discussions they engender on this site will go on in aeternum. Amen!
Halleluia! The virus in Don Vicenzo's laptop has been contained. Now we can expect more virulent reactions in the future. Welcome back!
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butchcelestial wrote on Aug 25, '08
Its a 'cleansing' experience, too!!! Now how do I show my face here, grrr@#$!
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percilopez wrote on Aug 25, '08
koyang, all this talk about this "jack fruit" has reminded me of this story...
once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, there lived a king who was well known for inflicting cruel and unjust punishment. while on the occasion of celebrating his birthday, the king summoned three prisoners who were to be released from captivity upon accomplishing 2 tasks. The first task was for each prisoner to bring the king a fruit. A reasonable task... After 15 minutes, the first prisoner came presenting to the king a red apple. "To complete your task ' the king announced..."squeeze that apple into your anal opening." to which, the 1st prisoner reluctantly complied with. Seeing the 1st prisoner with so much pain brought so much joy to the king that he ordered his immediate release. after a few minutes, the 2nd prisoner came carrying with him a water melon.the king gave him the order, however to the king's dismay, the 2nd prisoner started lo laugh uncontrollably. "Why are are you laughing, don't you feel any pain at all?" asked the king. "oh, its very painful my lord, i am about to collapse from too much pain" answered the 2nd prisoner. "Then why the hell are you laughing?" As if on cue, the 3rd prisoner entered the castle dragging in a huge jack fruit. thanks for viewing my blog koyang, you give me too much credit though... stay safe, and see you on the 6th of september |
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