WINNING IN THE OLYMPICS ...

Sep 3, '08 6:32 PM for everyone

Winning in the Olympics … not a Chinaman’s chance (without KELLOGG’S Wheaties). –   I had a dream (with apologies to the late Rev. MLK).  Our lone entry in the women’s individual swimming events won 13 gold medals in the Beijing Olympics. Unfortunately, she was subsequently disqualified – mainly on account of her name, “Dyesebel.”   It seems it was also eventually noticed that her fins did not bear the approved trademark “Speedo.” But that did not stop his promoters from trying out the same fins on Michael Phelps himself.  He was so slow and awkward, Dyesebel would have beaten him hands down.

Since for one reason or another I missed the first part of the opening ceremonies, I’m not even sure if we even participated in The Games at all. If not, we should congratulate ourselves for a very wise decision. The ability to perceive reality is a mark of sanity, and vice versa, i.e., the inability to accept reality is a form of psychosis. After all, the Latin adage “mens sana in corpore sano” or “a sound mind in a sound body” has always been associated, rightly or wrongly, with the Olympics.

Indeed, I believe we might just as well boycott the Olympics altogether.  Many of the games the IOC requires us to play are either anachronistic or obsolete, puerile, discriminatory, arbitrary or downright unfair.  They fail to take into account such basic differences in climate, geography, culture, religious beliefs and customs, height, weight, diet as well as accidentals, such as, sports facilities, infrastructure investments, training programs, amateurism or professionalism.  With events such as dressage andepee fencing, they might as well include games like American football, golf, or Rolls-Royce or Roman-chariot racing… and, of course, sour graping.   

Speaking of fruits, judging the different events based on some IOC criteria is your classic case of comparing apples and guavas, giraffes and tamaraws. All creatures, great or small, the good Lord made them all. Beautiful.

Why can’t they include some games where the Pinoy has at least a fairly even chance of winning, such as, for instance, rice-eating contest, balut-eating contest, beauty contest, spelling bee, horse jockeying (pound-for-pound, the ordinary Pinoy jockey will beat most Latinos, as we have shown in boxing).  How about “tumbang preso,” “pompiang,” “piko,” coconut-tree climbing, or even corruption of public officials where the Pinoy has established unbeatable world records.

Indeed, the IOC has evidently never heard of the term “level playing field” or “sporting chance.”  The mere fact that there is such a thing as the Olympic “Winter Games” is an insult to Asians and Africans.  We have difficulty looking for an ice cube to go with our Coke, let alone fabricating ski slopes and covering our mountains with snow. 

In fairness, however, awarding the 2008 Olympics to China has given a whole new meaning to the term “a Chinaman’s chance.” Now, many people will think that this racist slur means China is now the country to beat in the medal count.

Which reminds me, China set another new standard in the spectacle of the opening and closing ceremonies in the 2008 Beijing Olympics.  What will the next host countries do for an encore?  To begin with, you would need to have a population of at least a few billion people to audition for an extravaganza opening ceremonies.

Now we have as much as a Chinaman’s chance in hell to host the Olympics in 3008.  Brazil, maybe, with its knack of producing its annual “CARNAVAL” spectacle of scantily clad full-figure girls parading all over the streets of Rio supposedly to mark the beginning of the Lenten season but which looks more like your classic pagan bacchanalian festival.  Then, we will have an excuse for invoking the Roman Emperor Theodosius I who had proclaimed Christianity as the religion of the Roman Empire in AD 393 and outlawed the Olympic Games as being a pagan festival.  The Olympics were not seen again until their rebirth 1,500 years later.

Speaking of scantily-clad women, in case you were wondering with delight about that Olympic event known as beach volleyball - an excuse to ogle at these specimens cavorting and pretending to play ball at the beach. In the old days the athletes usually competed in the nude. A crown of olive leaves was presented to the victor some of which leaves may have eventually found their way down to his private parts out of a misplaced sense of modesty.  That’s probably how the expression “modesty in victory” got to be coined.

Incidentally, hosting the Olympics requires a budgetary outlay in the billions of dollars.  The 2012 Summer Olympics to be held in London was originally expected to have a budget of over £9 billion, that’s approximately US$16.65 billion, or roughly PPh765 billion pesos.  After the Beijing extravaganza, London may have to do some re-calculations.  China reportedly spent an estimated US$40 billion hosting the 2008 Olympics.  With that kind of money, we could offer to give half of war-torn Mindanao for the IOC to convert the area into an Olympic Village as the permanent site of the Summer Olympics.  Why can’t there be a permanent site for The Games so that the needed infrastructures don’t have to be built from scratch every four years?  As an added incentive we could offer to give the winners pure 24-k gold medals from our rich gold mines instead of the cheap gold-plated ones IOC is currently awarding.

Is there any chance we will ever have a Pinoy Senator as member of the IOC?  It is an open secret that the IOC is a monolithic organization, with some members   elected for life. We might as well concentrate on getting gold in at least 10 events.  Membership in the elite and exclusive IOC is like getting into the UN Security Council or the G8.

Can we bribe our way into hosting the Olympics in 2016? There have been rumors of bribery among IOC officials in the past. Now, there’s a more realistic goal.  After all, we rank among the top ten most corrupt countries in the world.  One of our former presidents got into the Guinness Book for establishing a world record that’s worth a lot more than a few gold-plated medals.

As everyone knows, the Olympic motto is “Citius, Altius, Fortius," Latin for  "Swifter, Higher, Stronger." As if they were not so enough, many participants nowadays have resorted to taking performance enhancing drugs to make themselves “heavier, bulkier, dopier.”  It has become increasingly evident that doping is not only a threat to the integrity of sports, but could also have potentially fatal side-effects on the athlete.

Finally, there’s this little matter of amateurism as against professionalism.  The Olympics had always been about amateurism, based on an old snooty British tradition that althletes are “gentlemen” and that “professional athletes” were part of the working class and therefore disqualified from competing with gentlemen.

In the 1912 Olympic pentathlon and decathlon champion Jim Thorpewas disqualified when it was discovered that he played semi-professional baseball prior to winning his medals. He was restored as champion on compassionate grounds by the IOC only in 1983. Mainly because of the reality that most serious athletes have made a career out of their athleticism and become “full-time amateurs,” amateurism in the Olympics is now a thing of the past, another anachronism.

But for us poor Pinoys, all of the above are absolutely beyond our control.  So what if we boycott The Games.  Our presence or absence will hardly be noticed. At last count there were 203 participating countries.  Athletes can live and train all their lives in the USA and then choose another country that’s desperate enough to adopt them if they looked like good bets for gold. Don’t be surprised if Usain “Lightning” Bolt, now the fastest man on earth, will later be seen wearing stars and stripes.

As an interesting sidelight, we might mention that BMX racing was introduced for the first time in the recently concluded games. Now, there’s an event where we could have had a sporting chance at winning gold.  As we all know, the BMX is a small bike, almost specifically designed for midgets or with the Pinoy in mind. It’s like horse racing.  A diminutive, athletic, undernourished but muscle-bound rider is a decided advantage, all other things being equal. We had such a chance. But we blew it.  Instead, the gold was taken by a rider from Latvia (pop. 2.3 million).

Unbeknownst to many, but not surprisingly, the 2007 national champion in BMX racing in the USA is a true blue, full-blooded Pinoy (not mestizo, mind you) more popularly known by everyone in the BMX racing world as “DANNY KELLOGG.”

“DANNY KELLOGG?” How can we have a Pinoy named “KELLOGG?”  That’s as American as “Wheaties.”  No, silly, that’s only how those Americans pronounce his name.  It’s actually “DANNY CALUAG.” But you can’t get an American to say “CALUAG.”  Indeed, Danny has won all the BMX races to be won in the US and earned so much in the process, he is also known as “DANNY ‘Easy Money’ CALUAG.”

As fate would have it, however, during the US Olympic Team Trials held in June, 2008 at Chula Vista, Ca., Danny somehow on that particular day was evidently not in his old form and failed to make the team.  Frantically, he tried to email and get in touch with our Phil. Olympic Committee officials but got no response.  Just like that, we missed our chance at gold.  Four years from now, will be too late.  By then China will have produced its own BMX designs that will go faster than a motorcycle.  If you ask me, I think this deserves another congressional investigation, now our national sport. JAMES L.

reply

reply percilopez wrote on Sep 4, '08 Actually, i really don't get the point why send athletes whom we all know, dont have any chance of bringing home a medal at all. For participation? for the experience? why not concentrate the limited funds available to those who has at least a "chinaman's chance" of winning a medal. Sounds unfair doesn't it. But thats the way it is. Nakakaawa talaga yung kalagayan ng mga manlalaro natin. Pinagkakasya na lamang nila yung kakarampot, and we expect them to bring home a medal? Anyway, these are just ramblings of someone who may not know what he's talking about. thanks for the space kuyang.

reply resumus2 wrote on Sep 4, '08 Sa bandang akin naman, Kuya Percy, my remarks are not "just ramblings of someone who may not know what he's talking about". I usually know what I'm talking about. . . wala nga lang connection sa pinag-uusapan. hehehehe. Katulad noong isang gabi lang, Kuya Jey, napag-isip isip ko na oras-oras, araw-araw, manaka-naka akong nagmumuni-muni hinggil sa mga sari-sari, halo-halo, at pinagtagpi-tagping kuro-kuro, agam-agam, at haka-haka na bumabalot sa kung anu-anong bagay-bagay dito sa gulong-gulo, litong-lito, paikot-ikot nating mundo; mundong parang turo-turo, may lapu-lapu, may maya-maya, paminsan-minsa'y may gamu-gamo. Di ba?

reply jeemsdee wrote on Sep 4, '08 REY, tama yata si PERCY. Gnagamit nyo lang itong "site" na ito upang isiwalat ang inyong maGAGAgagalin na kuro2. Bakit nga ba ganyan ang ating wika. Pag inulit ulit mo ang iyong salita, nagkakaroon ng kakaibang kahulugan. Halimbawa, ti, su, sip,pi, pek, pu, pok, ki... Salamat naman at kahit paano, nagkakaroon tayo ng palitan ng kuro2.

reply tomranada wrote on Sep 4, '08 Cguro textbook ni kuya sa grade school, "Pepe ni Pilar"

reply xvdph wrote on Sep 4, '08 sipsip means in corporate lingo - Somewhat Incompetent Personnel Seeking Immediate Promotion.

reply resumus2 wrote on Sep 5, '08 jeemsdee said REY, tama yata si PERCY. Gnagamit nyo lang itong "site" na ito upang isiwalat ang inyong maGAGAgagalin na kuro2. Bakit nga ba ganyan ang ating wika. Pag inulit ulit mo ang iyong salita, nagkakaroon ng kakaibang kahulugan. Halimbawa, ti, su, sip,pi, pek, pu, pok, ki... Salamat naman at kahit paano, nagkakaroon tayo ng palitan ng kuro2.  Op kors naman, Kuya Jey, alam kong tama si Kuya Percy. XVD yan, eh. Nagpapa-cute lang ako. Sa edad ko kasing ito, parang hindi na yata tatalab ang glutathione at botox; kaya't pilit na nagpapa-cute na lang. Akalain mo, may sabon na pala ngayon na placenta soap. Akala ko Clorox was already the best thing that ever happened to me. But I think I'll reconsider my old-school position if, one of these days, somebody introduces a new product in the market and call it the fallopian tube detergent. . . well, if symptoms persist. . . Teka, what will they think of next -- pancreas facial cream? Malayo na nga ang narating ng mundo, ano? Parang Olympics. (O, ayan, na-connect din, mga Kuya). Very scientific at high tech na ang approach na ginagamit ng mga developed countries sa kanilang training modules. Pero tayong mga Pinoy, ganoon pa rin ang sistema – we do more of the same -- paulit-ulit. The character or the culture of a set of people is known daw by the words they prefer to use. Does that mean na tayong mga Pinoy, dahil mahilig tayo sa mga salitang inuulit-ulit, we’re bound to repeat history? Ano pa nga ba ang sabi ni Confucius dito? – “Those who don’t learn from history ay nag-basketball lang during the study period”? Mabuti sana kung ang Olympics ay patigasan ng ulo dahil malamang panalo tayo dito. O, di kaya, hindi na lang palakasan kundi daanin na lang sa palusugan ang paligsahan. Baka may laban pa ang ating Ara Mina, Francine Prieto, Christine Reyes, at Diana Zubiri sa Paraguayan sexy javelin thrower na si Leryn Franco o kina Amanda Beard, Maria Sharapova, at Natalie Gulbis. . . o, sino ang narinig ko dyan na sumigaw ng “What about Manny Pacquiao!??!” Huwag naman. . . that’s cruelty. . . medyo masagwa ‘atang tingnan ang isang may bigote na naka-bikini . “Citius, Altius, Fortius”? Hindi pa nga natin nama-master ang “coitus interruptus”, ito pa kayang mga tius-tius na are? Ay, ala. Ilang milyon na ba tayong lahat? Pero, saving grace, may angkop sa atin na related sa Beijing Olympics. Ito ay ‘yong slogan na “One World, One Dream”. Mahilig kasi tayong managinip, wala namang ginagawa. Next time, sisikapin kong magsalita naman ng positive about us Pinoys. Hehehehe. Balita ko kasi, marami na raw ang positive sa AIDS dito sa Pinas ngayon.

reply jeemsdee wrote on Sep 5, '08 Hirap na hirap ako gawa ng blog, ganyan lang sagot nyo. Tama si Fr. Heine - uwina lang kayo, plant kamote.

reply resumus wrote on Sep 5, '08 Ganyan kasi ako, Kuya Jey, the length of my comment is directly proportional to the height of enlightenment and appreciation that I get from the article I'm commenting on. Enjoy po kayo, Kuya, bukas sa homecoming. Ginawa palang Olympics ang homecoming -- magkakaroon daw ng "class struggle" bukas. Sana walang sack race. Palakasan ng tunog ng slipped discs puwede siguro. At puwede rin ang treasure hunt dyan -- ang unang makahanap ng amoy-salonpas, panalo.

reply viagba wrote on Sep 5, '08 Allow me to regress into one of my seldom-EXHIBITED lucid moments... JUST IMAGINE: IF THE WEALTH OF TALENT MASQUERADING AS TOMFOOLERY (NOT THAT I'M DEBASING RAPIER-LIKE WIT! FAR FROM IT - PEOPLE HAVE CALLED MINE THAT; AND DRY, TO BOOT) EXHIBITED ON THIS SITE WERE HARNESSED FOR MORE UPLIFTING PURSUITS.... BUT, I DREAM....MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST CONTENT OURSELVES WITH SPARRING WITH EACH OTHER: SOME SERIOUS, SOME NOT- SO, MOST NAKALUTANG O NAGPAPAKABASTOS - I, FOREMOST AMONG THE LAST. MEA MAXIMA CULPA! FODDER FOR YOUR REUNION RUMINATIONS.....i'M ALREADY - AS I FINGER - DRINKING MOST OF YOU UNDER THE TABLE! BE CONSOLED. I'VE HAD SOMEONE PUT CHARITY (NOT THE ONE RELATED TO TOM) AND A COHORT OF -YUKIS THERE TO COMFORT YOU IN YOUR GROPING INEBRIATEDNESS....KAMPAI!!!

reply resumus wrote on Sep 5, '08 Parang ganoon nga, Kuya V. . . parang walang sense ang usapan, ano? Pero knowing Kuya J, malalim yang idol kong yan. His heart and his values are in the right places. Devotee ni Mama Mary yan; and humor is just one of his ways of relaxation. Please don't ask me what the other ways are. Ano nga ba yong sinabi ng bard? . . . . . . about method in madness?

reply jeemsdee wrote on Sep 5, '08 I sense a pining for purpose, for excellence in viagba's latest comment. it is universal. we all wish to do good. we know what's right. we know even a blog should have purpose. but, we are weak. we stray. we get distracted. it's part of our human-ness. otherwise, we'd be angels. for now, i'm satisfied with the intersection of mad comments. tnx all.

reply viagba wrote on Sep 6, '08, edited on Sep 6, '08 jeemsdee said I sense a pining for purpose, for excellence in viagba's latest comment. it is universal. we all wish to do good. we know what's right. we know even a blog should have purpose. but, we are weak. we stray. we get distracted. it's part of our human-ness. otherwise, we'd be angels. for now, i'm satisfied with the intersection of mad comments. tnx all.  KASI, KAYANG, I READ THE COMMENTS B4 I DID UR POST! MAS ENTERTAINING!!! Vincenzo Aviani* (as in Danny Kellogg; *%$# whites can't properly pronounce the names of their gods and prophets) *and capo di tutti capi as Don Vito

reply jeemsdee wrote on Sep 6, '08 VINCENZO AVIANI - really sounds much better. while in America, you might as well do as them. they must believe we natives simply tried to copy the names of some of their european ancestors - and we didnt know what we were doing. BTW, just so your american friends dont think we cant spell, inebriatedness is not in their dictionary. intoxication is also the state of inebriation. CAPICE should be spelled "capisci" (2nd person, informal); or "capisce" (3rd person, formal). Capice?

reply resumus2 wrote on Sep 6, '08, edited on Sep 6, '08 You're still here, Kuya, sa Multiply? Di ba homecoming ngayon? Parang wala ka doon,a. There's an ancient saying that says, "If you don't come. . . " Ewan ko, yon lang talaga ang nakasulat sa ancient saying na yan -- "If you don't come. . . " I wonder why. Perhaps that was the time when they were just starting to invent the English language and they started with those four words. Dito sa puntong ito magiging madugo ang pag-connect sa ancient saying na yan sa topic nating Olympics.

reply viagba wrote on Sep 6, '08, edited on Sep 6, '08 jeemsdee said VINCENZO AVIANI - really sounds much better. while in America, you might as well do as them. they must believe we natives simply tried to copy the names of some of their european ancestors - and we didnt know what we were doing. BTW, just so your american friends dont think we cant spell, inebriatedness is not in their dictionary. intoxication is also the state of inebriation. CAPICE should be spelled "capisci" (2nd person, informal); or "capisce" (3rd person, formal). Capice?  I really hate to cross swords with you on typos, grammar, colloquialisms or some such so why don't we just fence with penises (plural of pen) , ha, lalakwe? Didn't your Thomasite teacher (circa turn-of-the-century ka, di ba?) tell you that English is a living language and those who speak, - or write - off-the-box, are the communication trailblazers? That's how slang and street lingo get into Webster - but only after a looonnng while. But I lecture an... Idol na rin sana kita - of all the XVDs now AGGRUPATED there!!! As far as ItaloAmerican jargon is concerned, my Rome-an consiglieri will take care of you. And I sort of noticed there was no mention of KAYANG, KUYANG....Case of selective editing? Nagmamahal, Cinti (sin ti yo soy nada!) echos!!!!

reply percilopez wrote on Sep 7, '08 hay naku mga kuya ko, just reading your comments and counter comments rendered me speechless...needless to say i enjoyed reading it.